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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.