Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”