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Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.