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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
I`m having an out of money experience.
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.