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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
French people give me the crepes.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.