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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
If you don`t believe that women will actually fight over a pair of shoes, you`ve never watched The Wizard of Oz!