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I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
My worst fear is seeing one of my statuses marked as "exhibit A"
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
My inner self is in Photoshop
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you