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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.