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Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?