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Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.