Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!