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Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds