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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.