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My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
How long does it take to get obsessed?