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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!