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I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
make little things count. teach midgets math.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!