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They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.