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They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.