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Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.