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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*