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Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.