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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
I’m tired of things costing money.
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!