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I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!