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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.