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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook