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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.