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I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
My life is a very complicated drinking game
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.