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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!