Daily Silly Status

I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.

Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what`d go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"

That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive

Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge

I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.

If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!

Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."

Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.

Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............

Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.

My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"

I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!

My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.

SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.

if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?