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I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
I said "sad face emoji" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am.
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.