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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.