Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Hello...
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
is ready to have one too many!