Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.