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is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.