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Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.