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I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie