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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
I`m perfect you adjust.
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.