Daily Silly Status

You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.

Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth

Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.

I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.

I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.

My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...

I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.

I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?

I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK

I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.

I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.

My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.

Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.

Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....

Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven