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It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...