Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.