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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
I say the things better left unsaid.
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.