Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending Iām not excited.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.