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That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking