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Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.