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I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.