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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.