Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."