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Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug