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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
New day, same old bullsh!t
I wish I had a friend like me
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.