Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
Calling someone with glasses “four eyes” isn’t an insult. Know what else has four eyes? Two sharks. Now you feel stupid.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
The songs I like always come on when I’m supposed to be getting out of my car.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.