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On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
The only problem with sarcasm is, it only works on intelligent people.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.