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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.