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You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…