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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...