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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.