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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.