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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it`s burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth ... I`m a goddamn genius.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"