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They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360